Post by jiggy on Jun 1, 2010 1:34:38 GMT -5
Ted Turner: Thank you everyone for coming. Before I begin, I'd like to sincerely thank Biggie for the wonderful team he's assembled and for not selling off our future in order to save his hide in his contract year. He's a noble man, and we all wish him nothing but the best. Aaannnyways...with no further adieu...
the lights go down; "Nobody's Fool (Theme to Caddyshack II)" begins pulsing through the PA; a spotlight hits the curtain to Mr. Turner's left; and right as the chorus hit, Jiggy kicks open the curtain, and strolls through with Scarlett Johansson on one arm and Katherine McPhee on the other; while Jiggy throws up gang signs and poses like a cholo, Johansson and McPhee make out for the rest of the song; as the music begins to fade out, Jiggy dusts off a chair for each of the girls and they all sit down
Jiggy: J, I, double G, Y. Holla at cha boy. *snaps his fingers* Ladies...keep quiet, especially you McPhee. First question: you with the full beard with no mustache in the front...
Reporter #1: O'Brien Foster CNN AM. Jiggy...what are your plans...for getting the Hawks into the playoffs? Is that your plan, or do you feel you have to rebuild?
Jiggy: I'll answer that in a minute. *motions to his face* What's the deal with all of that? A full beard with no mustache? Why? Is it because life offers us so few chances to truly express ourselves?
Reporter #1: If you're asking if I wear no mustache with my beard to express myself, then yeah...I guess.
Jiggy: Wuuuuuuurrrrrd. Yo, I understand where you at on that. I don't own any white socks, or underwear. All them shits...colored. See? I feel you. Wuuuuurrrrrd. But to answer your question, the only way to completely rebuild this muthafucka, is to move Dirk, and I'll tell you this: It's gon take the kitchen sink to move Dirk. You dig? Until that day, it's about winning now. Next question, you...the asian man in the 4th row who looks like the smiley on proboards.
Reporter #2: *annoyed* Uhh...yeah. Many analysts believe that all this team needs is a shakeup. Do you plan on shaking things up, and if so, how?
Jiggy: *stands up excitedly* Yo!!! This muthafucka gon get shook the fuck down. I'ma shake the tree, bitch. The cradle will rock. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said, ashes ashes we all fall down. Chinga su madre, next fuckin' question. *sits down* You...with the nice rack down front. How you doin', baby girl?
Reporter #3: *rolls her eyes, and takes a deep breath* Jiggy, is the logjam the Hawks have had at the SF position still going to be an issue in 2002?
Jiggy: Are you asking me if I'm looking to deal Shareef? That, shorty, is insider information.
Reporter #3: Insider information?
Jiggy: Yes, as in...if this bird wants to know the information, I'ma haveta be insider first. Insiiide her first...get it?
Reporter #3: Are you propositioning me?
Jiggy: Bitch, I'm propositioning you, I'm fuckin' prepositioning you. On, under, between...I'ma be all those things. I can love you like that. Do you want McPhee to come eat your ass out for you? I'd send Johansson, but I've got my own plans for her mouth. This bitch can eat an ass though. She's like Lardass in Stand By Me. McPhee!!! Go eat baby girl ass out for her, damn.
Ted Turner: *flustered* Alright, I think it's about time to take this party back to my place; you all know where it is, same rules as always: keys go in the bowl, rubbers on the poles. Miss McPhee...can I talk to you for a minute.
