Post by jaycatch on Jun 28, 2012 18:05:21 GMT -5
The Best to Ever Do It
The Jack Sikma Story
The Jack Sikma Story
New Year's Resolutions
It was New Year's Day, and I was watching Jack Sikma ball on TV with my friends Jack Sikma's Mother, Jack Sikma's Girlfriend, Larry, and Foots.
“Hey, Jack Sikma's Girlfriend,” Larry said, “What is your New Year's resolution?”
“I am going to learn to play the basketball,” she said. “Then I am going to play Jack for our home in Malibu. Luckily if I only hit 40% of my shots, I'll beat him and then dump him.”
“That's bust,” said Jack Sikma's Mother. “I am going to volunteer in a shelter for contract year victims and PBL castoffs. They are so cute. How about you, Larry Bird?”
“I am going to help out around the house,” he said. “Every night, so I can forget about the bums sharing the court with my and having to sit next to Jack fucking Sikma every night. Can't I just go play with Magic or something. We'd be better off signing Levern Tart and moving him to Center.”
“I want to improve my handles,” said Foots. “I will study math, science, and ball control every night.”
They all turned to me.
“What is your New Year's Resolution, Outlawz?”
“I'm not making one,” I said. “I'm perfectly average already!”
----
A New Winter Sport
Here is a great way to spend a winter day. First, put on a nice warm jersey. You want to be sure you stay warm and tall. Next, fill a thermos full of hot steamy Sikma semen. Now you are ready to go snow fucking!
Some people say only experts should go snow fucking, but I think anyone can do it if you use a little common sense. I have heard a rumor that Spencer will be offering special snow fucking classes after school at Phoenix, but I don't know if that's true.
The best place to go snow fucking is on a hill that is covered with snow. First you will want to clear away any leaves and Suns. Stand at the top of the hill and shout, “Hey, everybody, look out below!” Then step onto Jack Sikma point, direct yourself downhill, and off you go.
But beware! All jumpers from Jack Sikma point have over a 60% chance of missing their target, so expect failure.
Snow fucking is fun, healthy, and completely unsafe. And here is one more tip: everyone will be especially impressed if you can balance a Jack Sikma on your playoff roster without losing Larry Bird to severe depression every season.
------
There once lived a vanilla ball player named Jack Sikma. Jack Sikma has a plentiful of Filipino slaves. His nickname was the Phil for that. One day, while movingly fucking one of his Filipinos up her tight, algorithmicer occipital lobe hole he realized his life was bifurcatest.
He withdrew his sperm infested throat and immediately shot the load of chandler into the girl's labia.
She called him a Kufic Nazi and fled the scene. He called her a fucking Sam and punched her in the tendon.
Ever since that fiduciariest day, Phil the dumbstruck schmuck driven Filipino Fucker has never fucked a pack-saddle again.
The End
{PS : In case you hadn't realized, this was an edited story based on the life of that buhlest, fucking midget Gary Coleman.
-----
Picture yourself in a Jack Sikma on a river,
With Elephant Tusk trees and Bull Snout skies
Somebody calls you, you Tanked quite Tanked,
A girl with Big eyes.
Cellophane Suns of Purple and green,
Ran over your head.
Jumped for the girl with the Jack Sikma in her eyes,
And she`s gone.
Jack Sikma's in the sky bricking jumpers...
Jack Sikma's Bitch in the sky missing threes...
Jack Sikma's Bitch in the sky on the trade block...
But no one will trade for thee...
Follow her down to a Jack Sikma by a fountain
Where rocking horse Suns eat Gorilla pies,
Everyone Sucks as you Shift past the flowers,
That Dither so incredibly high.
Newspaper GMs appear on the shore,
Waiting to take you away.
Climb in the back with your Toes in the clouds,
And you`re gone.
Picture yourself on a train in a Phoenix,
With National porters with looking glass Repole,
Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile,
The girl with Big eyes.
Jack Sikma's in the sky bricking jumpers...
Jack Sikma's Bitch in the sky missing threes...
Jack Sikma's Bitch in the sky on the trade block...
But no one will trade for thee...
