Post by Pig on Aug 22, 2010 23:26:22 GMT -5
A PIGPEN EXCLUSIVE
"The Death of Danny Granger"
It was a hot summer day in Oxford, Mississippi. I had a frosty beer in my hand and was going through the BBS Recap through the night before. Due to my degenerate drinking habits and love for fat chicks with zero self-esteem, I had missed out on the laughs, tears and post pads that occurred the night before. Here I was sitting on top of the world looking down at my Toshiba E500 computer, torn apart by years of faux GM Rankings and my love for Japanese Bukakke. This day though I would not be the notorious smut peddler who stalks message boards for "side boob" but rather an ominous figure looking down at every GM in the league. This Sunday, the 7th day, so vigorously entrenched in our minds as the day of the creation would be forever known as the day the sim world would be sculpted in an image of my own. August 22rd would be forever known as "Judgment Day."
The alarm was blinking 6:00 AM steadily as I woke from my deep sleep. I was in an unknown place with an unknown woman, a story all too familiar to me. Turns out her name was Ginger, a 250 pound daughter of a cattle rancher from deep in the bayou. I don't know if it was the scent of peppermint schnapps laced with every word she spoke or the way she glided like a swan on a lake when she came waddling over to me at Mickeys Tavern but I was smitten at "Hello." After playful flirtation we decided to make the ardouous trek back to her house. The sex was unfourtantley not synonomous with her angelic triple chin or the way the rolls flew out of her tanktop like ripples on a pond after skipping stones. To be honest it was downright fucking horrific. I knew I was in dire times when it felt like my cock was the meat of a sandpaper sandwich. We truly find how strong we really are in the worst of times. Or we just drink a lot of generic whiskey too forget about it. I experienced both.
Sun was rising over the Eastern horizon as soon as I walked out the door. I lit up a cigarette and watched the smoke fill in the air, like CC filling up a post pad thread with fucking awful shit. I was nervous, a wreck. That feeling of emptiness when Spence doesn't show up for a scheduled sim was overtaking my body. Voices inside of me kept screaming "10 DAYS PLEASE." I had to shake it off. The world needed me. I needed me. Terrible news. TERRIBLE NEWS!
Walking home was just a panic attack in general. You know the one you get when Finals Part 2 won't upload and you're packing lip after lip? We have all been there before. Not Insane though. It's ok. However, these racing thoughts of where to RC Deron Williams were plaguing my head like a virus from a B-Rated porn site. We have all been there before. When you go to Pornhub and you see the awesome chick in a link on the right who is so hot but you know it isn't real. You know it is a fucking broken link, a trojan or even worse a link too another fucking link or a paysite. You know this game all too well. But you end up biting the apple and temptation causes you to click it. Incoherent rambling. Yeah, well that was the virus I was feeling.
Whether it was the Zoloft coursing through my veins or the wind through my hair, a light sprung upon me. One that illuminated the sky and was so rare it was the equivalent of an Aaron Haberman article that is actually funny. More rare then a Galo post in the Draft File thread that isn't fucking absurd. More rare than an AAR post. GASP! When my blindness was cured a black man fell out of the sky. Not like Chris Rock in Dogma but like some graceful shit. Floating, mezmerizing my cerebellum like only a 250 pound daughter of a cattle rancher could do. It was Danny Granger, and he looked fucking glorious.
Like a fucking titan riding on a horse we swept me up like Hype sweeping up STD's from his Build a Bear co workers. (So innocent yet so cruel) He spoke to me with an angelic voice so sweet that even Play would like it.
"Pig.........PIGGGGGGGGGG"
"Yes Danny"
"Take my hand and we won't only rebuild the Rockets! BUT THE WORLD AS WELL!"
I was incompacitated by his aura. Why was this guy the 4th pick! WHY WASN"T HE FIRST?
I went home and studied Spencers notes, better then AAR though so I wouldn't have to write a paragraph on why the notes were misleading. (Wrote a fucking story instead) Studied the league dynamics. This would be a test unlike any other I have ever taken. Greater than any test ever created. Yes, even greater than any test Manas took at Berkeley. My rise to the BBS top was inevitable and my rise to the throne was imminent. BBS would forever be called........BBS.
My heart was racing like a lab rat. Constantly refreshing day 4 and 5 FA BIDS to hear about when sim would be. All the usual suspects were there, glancing at all the competition. Ashes, Nova, Mark Kelley. I was in the arena with some of the baddest men in the world and I loved it. Any emoticons getting sent my way via quote or PM were instantly squashed by my presence. I loathed every GM. I crushed Andy in Day 1. Crushed dreams on day and 2 and 3. On day 4 and 5 I would feel like a porn star, masquerading behind a huge dick and ready to plow some pussies.
TC was up. Spence said fuck off too Matt. Spencer doesn't take any prisoners when it comes to bids. If your phone isn't getting his texts then you are the equivalent of a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. My sweaty palms slipped and I clicked on Basones team before mine. Gerald Green, his hearlded soldier at 7 had fallen into the land of busts and CY'd GM's.
"BLAAAAAAAAZAASS ON THIS" I screamed
I clicked "Houston Rockets"
It was like opening a gold mine.
Like Christmas as a child.
Like watching an 8th seed beat a 1 seed
It was destiny.
*whispers*
DANNY GRANGER B- C+ C- B- C A
*gasps*
The Day after Tommorow would soon be today. The world was spinning of its axis. I was mortified, stunned and shunned by a BBS Community who I once grasped by the throat.
"Hahah Pig, Danny Granger sucks" Spence said
GM's froliced through the TC thread spreading their messages of hate.
Even CC took a shot at me, all he knows how to say is LOL.
My nation was burning. Houston was burning.
The Death of Danny Granger indirectly killed me as well. My heart was left lifeless, next to a 250 pound daughter of a cattle rancher somewhere on the outskirts of town.
"The Death of Danny Granger"
It was a hot summer day in Oxford, Mississippi. I had a frosty beer in my hand and was going through the BBS Recap through the night before. Due to my degenerate drinking habits and love for fat chicks with zero self-esteem, I had missed out on the laughs, tears and post pads that occurred the night before. Here I was sitting on top of the world looking down at my Toshiba E500 computer, torn apart by years of faux GM Rankings and my love for Japanese Bukakke. This day though I would not be the notorious smut peddler who stalks message boards for "side boob" but rather an ominous figure looking down at every GM in the league. This Sunday, the 7th day, so vigorously entrenched in our minds as the day of the creation would be forever known as the day the sim world would be sculpted in an image of my own. August 22rd would be forever known as "Judgment Day."
The alarm was blinking 6:00 AM steadily as I woke from my deep sleep. I was in an unknown place with an unknown woman, a story all too familiar to me. Turns out her name was Ginger, a 250 pound daughter of a cattle rancher from deep in the bayou. I don't know if it was the scent of peppermint schnapps laced with every word she spoke or the way she glided like a swan on a lake when she came waddling over to me at Mickeys Tavern but I was smitten at "Hello." After playful flirtation we decided to make the ardouous trek back to her house. The sex was unfourtantley not synonomous with her angelic triple chin or the way the rolls flew out of her tanktop like ripples on a pond after skipping stones. To be honest it was downright fucking horrific. I knew I was in dire times when it felt like my cock was the meat of a sandpaper sandwich. We truly find how strong we really are in the worst of times. Or we just drink a lot of generic whiskey too forget about it. I experienced both.
Sun was rising over the Eastern horizon as soon as I walked out the door. I lit up a cigarette and watched the smoke fill in the air, like CC filling up a post pad thread with fucking awful shit. I was nervous, a wreck. That feeling of emptiness when Spence doesn't show up for a scheduled sim was overtaking my body. Voices inside of me kept screaming "10 DAYS PLEASE." I had to shake it off. The world needed me. I needed me. Terrible news. TERRIBLE NEWS!
Walking home was just a panic attack in general. You know the one you get when Finals Part 2 won't upload and you're packing lip after lip? We have all been there before. Not Insane though. It's ok. However, these racing thoughts of where to RC Deron Williams were plaguing my head like a virus from a B-Rated porn site. We have all been there before. When you go to Pornhub and you see the awesome chick in a link on the right who is so hot but you know it isn't real. You know it is a fucking broken link, a trojan or even worse a link too another fucking link or a paysite. You know this game all too well. But you end up biting the apple and temptation causes you to click it. Incoherent rambling. Yeah, well that was the virus I was feeling.
Whether it was the Zoloft coursing through my veins or the wind through my hair, a light sprung upon me. One that illuminated the sky and was so rare it was the equivalent of an Aaron Haberman article that is actually funny. More rare then a Galo post in the Draft File thread that isn't fucking absurd. More rare than an AAR post. GASP! When my blindness was cured a black man fell out of the sky. Not like Chris Rock in Dogma but like some graceful shit. Floating, mezmerizing my cerebellum like only a 250 pound daughter of a cattle rancher could do. It was Danny Granger, and he looked fucking glorious.
Like a fucking titan riding on a horse we swept me up like Hype sweeping up STD's from his Build a Bear co workers. (So innocent yet so cruel) He spoke to me with an angelic voice so sweet that even Play would like it.
"Pig.........PIGGGGGGGGGG"
"Yes Danny"
"Take my hand and we won't only rebuild the Rockets! BUT THE WORLD AS WELL!"
I was incompacitated by his aura. Why was this guy the 4th pick! WHY WASN"T HE FIRST?
I went home and studied Spencers notes, better then AAR though so I wouldn't have to write a paragraph on why the notes were misleading. (Wrote a fucking story instead) Studied the league dynamics. This would be a test unlike any other I have ever taken. Greater than any test ever created. Yes, even greater than any test Manas took at Berkeley. My rise to the BBS top was inevitable and my rise to the throne was imminent. BBS would forever be called........BBS.
My heart was racing like a lab rat. Constantly refreshing day 4 and 5 FA BIDS to hear about when sim would be. All the usual suspects were there, glancing at all the competition. Ashes, Nova, Mark Kelley. I was in the arena with some of the baddest men in the world and I loved it. Any emoticons getting sent my way via quote or PM were instantly squashed by my presence. I loathed every GM. I crushed Andy in Day 1. Crushed dreams on day and 2 and 3. On day 4 and 5 I would feel like a porn star, masquerading behind a huge dick and ready to plow some pussies.
TC was up. Spence said fuck off too Matt. Spencer doesn't take any prisoners when it comes to bids. If your phone isn't getting his texts then you are the equivalent of a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. My sweaty palms slipped and I clicked on Basones team before mine. Gerald Green, his hearlded soldier at 7 had fallen into the land of busts and CY'd GM's.
"BLAAAAAAAAZAASS ON THIS" I screamed
I clicked "Houston Rockets"
It was like opening a gold mine.
Like Christmas as a child.
Like watching an 8th seed beat a 1 seed
It was destiny.
*whispers*
DANNY GRANGER B- C+ C- B- C A
*gasps*
The Day after Tommorow would soon be today. The world was spinning of its axis. I was mortified, stunned and shunned by a BBS Community who I once grasped by the throat.
"Hahah Pig, Danny Granger sucks" Spence said
GM's froliced through the TC thread spreading their messages of hate.
Even CC took a shot at me, all he knows how to say is LOL.
My nation was burning. Houston was burning.
The Death of Danny Granger indirectly killed me as well. My heart was left lifeless, next to a 250 pound daughter of a cattle rancher somewhere on the outskirts of town.
