Post by Haberino on Dec 28, 2010 21:22:38 GMT -5
It is often (read: never) said that it would be cool to see how the best players 33 and over would stack up against the best players under 24. These groups of players are generally not in the prime years of their careers. The young guys are underdeveloped; athletic, full of potential and skill, but uncomfortable with the flow of the game and their place in it. The veterans, meanwhile, know what they need to do on the court, but generally can't get their dicks hard enough to execute. You feel me?
So what if the best players in BBS at each position from both groups played against each other? It would be cool, no? It would at least be passably interesting. Not a great idea. Maybe not even passably interesting. And since I don't even have FBB it's not like I can input these guys and sim and see how they do. That would've gotten me a 5, no doubt about it. Oh well. Hey, instead, how about I blah blah blah without further ado!
But wait! Tits!
The Old Shits!
Center
Tim Duncan C 36 7'0'' 278 B C C+ A A- D
Not sure why, but you may know him as Big Time Timmy Jim. Big Time Timmy Jim is a shadow of his former self. He's lost one friend, lost all friends, and lost himself. And yet he persists! Bravo, Tim. Bravo. I think Game could get more of him if he weren't tanking. The Dunkin' Dutchman's doing 12/9.5 with 2.3 BPG in 28 mins. One of the all time greats in this league, he's still got great games left in him, and everyone knows crafty big men feed on inexperienced youths. Tim's here to fuck shit up.
Power Forward
Elton Brand PF 33 6'9'' 278 B+ C C A- B+ D
"Big El", as no one calls him, is a rock solid 4 who's feeling his old age just a bit. His numbers have taken a dip, but he's still good for 16/11 and nearly 3 BPG. And who the fuck knows why, but he sometimes plays good defense on Marc Gasol. "El-B", as literally nobody has ever thought of calling him, is a good guy who can do a lot of things well. Here are those things: steal the ball, block shots, rebound, shoot free throws, score, avoid turnovers, write poetry, make love, read novels, weep while he masturbates, and play the violin.
Small Forward:
Kobe Bryant SF 34 6'7'' 215 B+ A C+ A B- C
The vets may not have the ideal frontcourt, but there's nothing missing from their starting small forward's game. [Ahmad Rashad] You may know him as The Dunking Dutchman. But on court, he's all business: Kobe Bryant. [/Ahmad Rashad] Kobe's doing an insane 27/9/4 with 1.6 steals and 2.1 blocks a night. We all know who the young guns have going after Kobe, and this promises to be the matchup of the game.
Shooting Guard: It's a platoon!
Paul Pierce SG 35 6'6'' 236 B+ A- C+ C C D
At 35, Paul Pierce is enjoying a resurgence. One of the alltime leading scorers in BBS history, Pierce took a real dip last season, shooting just 44.7% on a terrible Houston roster. This year, though, Pierce is back up to 48.3% shooting, and is doing 22/5/3. His defense is a major weakness, but could the crafty, capable veteran scorer outmuscle and outsmart an inexperienced 2 on both ends of the court?
Michael Redd SG 33 6'6'' 225 B- A C B- C D
Mike Redd is clearly better than Paul Pierce! I missed him the first time! Mike Redd's the starter! But I wrote all the Pierce stuff! So keep Pierce too! Make it a platoon! Chill with the exclamation points! True. Redd's doing 28/6/3. HOT! 49% FG! Why is Andy's fucking team good?!?!?
Point Guard:
Manu Ginobili PG 35 6'6'' 216 B+ A- A A- D- D
Even at 35, Manu has yet to take a step back. He's not playing PG, but nothing he does at SG suggests he's not every bit the same great point guard that led the Bucks to a title last year. 24.5 PPG, 4 assists, 49% shooting, and just .9 turnovers a night from the 6'6 point guard means his opponent, no matter the age or experience, is in trouble. Also this dude is bald so I'm a big fan. Kindred spirits IMO.
Young Bulls
Center
SIX POINT GAME!!! Knicks are doing such a job on Wade. I love it. I still haven't picked the center, hang on. Wade's scored 4 points since I wrote that. Ugh.
NOTE: I wrote the favors writeup as a PF. Then I saw Love and decided I'd move Favors to C.
Derrick Favors C 21 6'10'' 246 B+ C- D B+ A- A
We're down 8! Let's goooo. What a pass by Ray baby. Will's gotta go off since he's about the only one willing to drive. How good is Derrick Favors, you know? He's gonna be a 25/12/3+ big. He's not there yet according to his numbers IMO. But it's like I always say, "there are lies, damn lies, and then there are annoying sayings that mean nothing," IMO. Favors and Brand make for the weakest matchup, but they're very similar players. I'll take Favors' athleticism and rebounding edge. Seriously though, he's a season or two from being a superstar. I hope he busts
Power Forward
Kevin Love PF 22 6'10'' 260 B+ C+ C B- A C
Love is a cool cat. Great scorer and rebounder with a great jump shot and good passing. Not a defender or shotblocker but he's still awesome. Skillz once made the ZBo comparison and I think it's getting close to being accurate. Turnovers are putrid. He could use ACs. Percentages are good, good numbers, nice looking Adam's Apple. Clean bill of health.
Small Forward
DeMar DeRozan SF 23 6'7'' 229 A B- D C+ C A
Remember before when I said everyone knows who I'm gonna choose for small forward? Back then I thought it was Perry Jones, the P man. But it turns out DeMar's nothing to fuck with. 30/6! More than 50% FG! Fewer than a turnover a night. Perry's gonna be the better player but right now I'll take DeMar. His offense is too much. CAN DANILO HIT A FUCKING SHOT COME THE FUCK ON. He missed a layup after I wrote that but what a follow by Landry. Classic Landry.
Shooting Guard
Tyreke Evans SG 23 6'6'' 223 A- A- B+ C+ C B
Pretty good player IMVH,O. He'd stomp the shit out of Old Mike Redd. Reke's doing 31.8/7/4, shooting almost 50%, and for some retarded reason he shoots 42% from three. Remember this summer when videos came out about his new form and it was the same old ugly form and he's shooting 28% from three this year? Is he gonna have foot surgery or what? Here's a funny story about him. In the summer of 2006 I was in Pasadena for this summer internship with a stipend I won. I was doing a story on prep basketball, and I was in touch with Tyreke Evans. He told me that if I wrote nice things about him he'd buy me an X-box. Later he texted me saying, "are we friends?" Whole thing was kinda strange, but it gets weirder. The story gets published in the New York Times, naturally, and Tyreke sends me an email saying when he makes his first million he's buying me a Ford Focus and I can pick the color. He came through on it, too. Good guy.
Point Guard
Brandon Jennings PG 23 6'1'' 172 C+ A A+ A- C B
Jennings beats out Derrick Rose for this shit. True. What? Jennings is doing 26/6/10.5 with mad steals and beast percentages. Rose outscores him but that's pretty much it. Rose is mad good too though. Did Jennings get dealt for Boynton or Kanter? Can we get an answer on that? How about the first half by my Knicks? Let's hand the ball off around the perimeter and take bad threes. Fucking IN AND OUT. DRIVE AND DISH. COME ON. STOP DRIBBLING INTO DOUBLE TEAMS AND PLAYING EAST TO WEST. FUCK!!!! Heat are too good. How about the job we did on the glass though? Miami's only on pace for 60 rebounds. True. Jennings vs. Manu would be a good matchup.
Verdict
The young guys win. I don't know why. I'm trying to watch the Knicks and they're fucking infuriating.
So what if the best players in BBS at each position from both groups played against each other? It would be cool, no? It would at least be passably interesting. Not a great idea. Maybe not even passably interesting. And since I don't even have FBB it's not like I can input these guys and sim and see how they do. That would've gotten me a 5, no doubt about it. Oh well. Hey, instead, how about I blah blah blah without further ado!
But wait! Tits!
The Old Shits!
Center
Tim Duncan C 36 7'0'' 278 B C C+ A A- D
Not sure why, but you may know him as Big Time Timmy Jim. Big Time Timmy Jim is a shadow of his former self. He's lost one friend, lost all friends, and lost himself. And yet he persists! Bravo, Tim. Bravo. I think Game could get more of him if he weren't tanking. The Dunkin' Dutchman's doing 12/9.5 with 2.3 BPG in 28 mins. One of the all time greats in this league, he's still got great games left in him, and everyone knows crafty big men feed on inexperienced youths. Tim's here to fuck shit up.
Power Forward
Elton Brand PF 33 6'9'' 278 B+ C C A- B+ D
"Big El", as no one calls him, is a rock solid 4 who's feeling his old age just a bit. His numbers have taken a dip, but he's still good for 16/11 and nearly 3 BPG. And who the fuck knows why, but he sometimes plays good defense on Marc Gasol. "El-B", as literally nobody has ever thought of calling him, is a good guy who can do a lot of things well. Here are those things: steal the ball, block shots, rebound, shoot free throws, score, avoid turnovers, write poetry, make love, read novels, weep while he masturbates, and play the violin.
Small Forward:
Kobe Bryant SF 34 6'7'' 215 B+ A C+ A B- C
The vets may not have the ideal frontcourt, but there's nothing missing from their starting small forward's game. [Ahmad Rashad] You may know him as The Dunking Dutchman. But on court, he's all business: Kobe Bryant. [/Ahmad Rashad] Kobe's doing an insane 27/9/4 with 1.6 steals and 2.1 blocks a night. We all know who the young guns have going after Kobe, and this promises to be the matchup of the game.
Shooting Guard: It's a platoon!
Paul Pierce SG 35 6'6'' 236 B+ A- C+ C C D
At 35, Paul Pierce is enjoying a resurgence. One of the alltime leading scorers in BBS history, Pierce took a real dip last season, shooting just 44.7% on a terrible Houston roster. This year, though, Pierce is back up to 48.3% shooting, and is doing 22/5/3. His defense is a major weakness, but could the crafty, capable veteran scorer outmuscle and outsmart an inexperienced 2 on both ends of the court?
Michael Redd SG 33 6'6'' 225 B- A C B- C D
Mike Redd is clearly better than Paul Pierce! I missed him the first time! Mike Redd's the starter! But I wrote all the Pierce stuff! So keep Pierce too! Make it a platoon! Chill with the exclamation points! True. Redd's doing 28/6/3. HOT! 49% FG! Why is Andy's fucking team good?!?!?
Point Guard:
Manu Ginobili PG 35 6'6'' 216 B+ A- A A- D- D
Even at 35, Manu has yet to take a step back. He's not playing PG, but nothing he does at SG suggests he's not every bit the same great point guard that led the Bucks to a title last year. 24.5 PPG, 4 assists, 49% shooting, and just .9 turnovers a night from the 6'6 point guard means his opponent, no matter the age or experience, is in trouble. Also this dude is bald so I'm a big fan. Kindred spirits IMO.
Young Bulls
Center
SIX POINT GAME!!! Knicks are doing such a job on Wade. I love it. I still haven't picked the center, hang on. Wade's scored 4 points since I wrote that. Ugh.
NOTE: I wrote the favors writeup as a PF. Then I saw Love and decided I'd move Favors to C.
Derrick Favors C 21 6'10'' 246 B+ C- D B+ A- A
We're down 8! Let's goooo. What a pass by Ray baby. Will's gotta go off since he's about the only one willing to drive. How good is Derrick Favors, you know? He's gonna be a 25/12/3+ big. He's not there yet according to his numbers IMO. But it's like I always say, "there are lies, damn lies, and then there are annoying sayings that mean nothing," IMO. Favors and Brand make for the weakest matchup, but they're very similar players. I'll take Favors' athleticism and rebounding edge. Seriously though, he's a season or two from being a superstar. I hope he busts
Power Forward
Kevin Love PF 22 6'10'' 260 B+ C+ C B- A C
Love is a cool cat. Great scorer and rebounder with a great jump shot and good passing. Not a defender or shotblocker but he's still awesome. Skillz once made the ZBo comparison and I think it's getting close to being accurate. Turnovers are putrid. He could use ACs. Percentages are good, good numbers, nice looking Adam's Apple. Clean bill of health.
Small Forward
DeMar DeRozan SF 23 6'7'' 229 A B- D C+ C A
Remember before when I said everyone knows who I'm gonna choose for small forward? Back then I thought it was Perry Jones, the P man. But it turns out DeMar's nothing to fuck with. 30/6! More than 50% FG! Fewer than a turnover a night. Perry's gonna be the better player but right now I'll take DeMar. His offense is too much. CAN DANILO HIT A FUCKING SHOT COME THE FUCK ON. He missed a layup after I wrote that but what a follow by Landry. Classic Landry.
Shooting Guard
Tyreke Evans SG 23 6'6'' 223 A- A- B+ C+ C B
Pretty good player IMVH,O. He'd stomp the shit out of Old Mike Redd. Reke's doing 31.8/7/4, shooting almost 50%, and for some retarded reason he shoots 42% from three. Remember this summer when videos came out about his new form and it was the same old ugly form and he's shooting 28% from three this year? Is he gonna have foot surgery or what? Here's a funny story about him. In the summer of 2006 I was in Pasadena for this summer internship with a stipend I won. I was doing a story on prep basketball, and I was in touch with Tyreke Evans. He told me that if I wrote nice things about him he'd buy me an X-box. Later he texted me saying, "are we friends?" Whole thing was kinda strange, but it gets weirder. The story gets published in the New York Times, naturally, and Tyreke sends me an email saying when he makes his first million he's buying me a Ford Focus and I can pick the color. He came through on it, too. Good guy.
Point Guard
Brandon Jennings PG 23 6'1'' 172 C+ A A+ A- C B
Jennings beats out Derrick Rose for this shit. True. What? Jennings is doing 26/6/10.5 with mad steals and beast percentages. Rose outscores him but that's pretty much it. Rose is mad good too though. Did Jennings get dealt for Boynton or Kanter? Can we get an answer on that? How about the first half by my Knicks? Let's hand the ball off around the perimeter and take bad threes. Fucking IN AND OUT. DRIVE AND DISH. COME ON. STOP DRIBBLING INTO DOUBLE TEAMS AND PLAYING EAST TO WEST. FUCK!!!! Heat are too good. How about the job we did on the glass though? Miami's only on pace for 60 rebounds. True. Jennings vs. Manu would be a good matchup.
Verdict
The young guys win. I don't know why. I'm trying to watch the Knicks and they're fucking infuriating.
